Saturday, 14 April 2012


It has been drawn  to our attention that the so called journalists who invaded our offices and claimed asylum had no connection whatsoever to the Hootsman. The Hootsman editor has not been removed from his post. The ‘journalists’ in question were not employed or contracted to the Hootsman but were simply chancers with no morals or ethics, no personal integrity and no connection to journalism whatsoever, as it has since been revealed that they work for the Muddock group.

Special Issue - SNP Fags

Friday, 13 April 2012

Special Issue - Martian Invasion

Turmoil at Hootsman

Special Issue - Bogeyman


A selection of letters received.


Congratulations on the new paper. I loved it. And thanks for the free CD. Every song is wonderful. I particularly liked the 'Subsidy Junkie Song' and go about singing it all day now. The chorus is particularly catchy and I’m often to be heard belting it out with a smile on my face:

You're always on the dole jock, 
Your arse is big and round, 
You're just a subsidy junkie, 
Injecting English pounds.

John Bull


I knew it. I knew Salmond was the beast. There are too many signs and portents pointing to this to be ignored. Well done on exposing him.

Iain G


Surely you should be using the Scottish pronunciation in your paper? Jock is of course an English pronunciation. A much better method of communication to your readers would be to use the Scottish way of saying this, which is Joch. As with 'loch' the English have problems with pronunciation - and therefore they corrupt it to 'lock'. Many a time I have chapped on the back of the head ignorant tourists as they stand in front of our beautiful lochs and say 'gee what a wonderful lock.' The water carries them out into the 'lock' and the fish do the rest. So, come on Jochman on Sunday! use the proper pronunciation. (Editor: the police have been informed.)

Davey Dunnum

Other letters received:

You are brilliant.

Wonderful paper.

You should get a medal.

Thank God someone is prepared to tell the truth about Salmond.

Proof that Salmond is not fit for porpoise.

Special Issue - No Wullie!

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Coming up this Sunday ...

In this week's issue we have an exclusive comedy extract from rehearsals for the forthcoming Referendum Comedy Special recently announced by our favourite Unionist scaremongering truth telling comedian Shouty Brumner. Plus Volume II of  our Free CD, Unionist Fighting Songs, including such classics as 'You Can't Have This, You Can't Have That' and 'Oil Belong To Glasgow London'. All this and more in this week's edition of Jocksman on Sunday!

Monday, 9 April 2012

Fabulous First Issue

Fabulous first issue of England's The Union's Sunday best. Any resemblance to reality is purely a coincidence.